2008 Musical Performance of the Year

We are moving on to the 2008 Musical Performance of the Year.  It was not a great year for music but I managed to find a few acts who did better then the rest.  Here are the nominees.

1. Coldplay – Viva La Vida.  Not a big fan of this song.  I think it was because I like Ricky Martin’s Living La Vida Loca better.
2. Lil’ Wayne – Mrs. Officer.  Great sequel to the NWA song.  Nice to hear a romantic rap that does not involve a 187 on a lady cop.
3. Will.I.Am- Yes We Can.  Genius song to put Obama’s speech to music.  Almost as eloquent as Toby Keith’s We’ll put a boot in your ass song.
4. Hall & Oates – She’s Gone.  Title pretty much sums  it up for you.  I’m not sure if she left Hall, Oates or both but she’s probably not coming back.

And the 2008 Musical Performance of the Year goes to………

Hall & Oates.  This video is something that you need to see.  I have analyzed this frame by frame like the Zapruder film.  Hall is higher than a giraffes’ testicle and has no idea that he may want to put some effort into lip syncing.  He actually smokes during his “singing”.  Oates is dressed in a Chippendale’s outfit for no reason.  The choreography consists of a woman walking across the stage followed by a devil a few seconds later.  They both keep forgetting that the devil cues them to throw fake money.  The budget for this entire video could not have been more than 14 bucks which includes the smokes.    Words cannot describe how great this is.  Enjoy.

2008 Loser Of The Year

Our next category is the 2008 Loser of the Year.  This was a tough category to narrow.  We have so many losers to choose from but I have managed to give you the very worst.  Here are the nominees for the 2008 Loser of the Year.

1. Starbucks – A rough economy and the fact that McDonalds taught their employees to pour water into a machine spells doom for the $5 cup of coffee.  Nice run while it lasted.
2. Jessica Simpson – You date a loser who is a douchebag.  Your sister replaced you on the covers of entertainment magazines by becoming hotter than you through tons of plastic surgery and getting banged by an emosexual.  You put out a country music album that nobody cares about and you may be in fact legally retarded.  Go away.
3. The City of Detroit – Where do we start?  The Lions, GM, Ford or Matt Millen.  Millen is actually a winner as he is still cashing 10 million worth of checks.  I am rooting for the factory workers but your bosses need to learn how to beg for money.  You do not ask your boss for a raise while showing up in a limo and dressed in a tux.  On the plus side, the price of an ounce of crack is going down.
4. Hillary Clinton – Tough year for her.  The democrats wanted no part of her.  Obama made her his secretary.  She set fashion back 35 years.   Tape your damn ankles and wear some high heels.  Monica wore a skirt and so can you.  Lighten up a little too.
5. Brett Favre – Walked away from millions from the Packers to go throw interceptions with the Jets.  Should have just walked away.

The winner is……

The City of Detroit.  It looks like you finally didn’t lose something.  You are now the 2008 Loser of the year. Please do not riot after reading this.

2008 Entertainer of the Year

It is time for our first annual 2008 Year End Awards.  Can you have an annual 2008 Year End Awards?  Does this mean that we will have a 2008 Year End Awards in 2009 and beyond?  I have no idea but here we go.  This year was a great year in the entertainment world.  I have narrowed the field down to four entertainers.   They are in no particular order:

1. Heath Ledger – The guy went from being the butt of jokes literally to putting together one of the greatest acting jobs in the last 50 years.  He was so good that I question whether the Batman franchise will move on without him.
2. Tina Fey – She will get all of the attention for the Palin impressions on SNL.  I am giving her this nomination based upon her show 30 Rock.  Alec Baldwin and Tracy Morgan are great and this show is really underrated.
3. Angelica Carrera – Many of you know this exotic beauty from her modeling and club hosting.  Her dancing is very respected in the hip hop community which I represent as you probably know.
4. Lil Wayne – Dude is up for 8 Grammys and has not been shot yet this year.  He was also arrested for weed, coke and X.  Great year for him.

And the winner goes to….

Angelica Carrera for giving me an excuse to post this youtube video.  You will be more entertained in this 72 seconds than in Tina Feys overhyped Palin, Ledger’s Joker or Lil Wayne’s rapping.  Enjoy.