Stocking Stuffers for the Fat Guy
We gave you some great gift ideas for the fat guy and gave you bad gift ideas to avoid. Hopefully, you took our advice and followed our list. We now have a few stocking stuffers that will bring joy on Christmas morning.
The Giant Remote. There is only one thing more frustrating than not being able to find the remote. That is finding the remote in the folds of your elbow. Drop this in the fat guy’s stocking and you eliminate that ordeal. This remote also allows you to change the channel accurately. I cannot tell you how many times my index finger hits 5 different buttons at once. Give this gift and there will never be reason you are forced to watch the Rosie Variety Show again.
The Bullhorn. You don’t have to be Al Sharpton to own a bullhorn. The bullhorn is very under used in the fat community. Think of the last time you wanted that third piece of pie but the waitress ignored you. She is not going to look the other way when you blast her with 500 decibels. I also use this at fast food joints. Why tell some high school kid at the register when you get shout it back to the kitchen. You cut out the middle man and get your food to you by the time you can say Baconator. No Justice. No Peace.
The Ham of the Month Club. This gift really sends a message to the fat guy and the hog. The fat guy knows that once a month he is going to walk out to the mailbox and have the delight of a mailbox full of pork. The hog has to worry about his fate the entire year and not just the holiday season. The gift that keeps on giving.
Meatloaf. No, I am not talking about the sweaty showtoon singer who is fat as hell. I’m literally talking about a loaf of meat. What a great surprise it would be to reach down into your stocking Christmas Morning and pull out a fist full of meat. I’m getting hungry thinking about it.
December 9, 2008 at 2:25 pm
Don’t forget every fat, lazy person’s choice…The Clapper.
And no I don’t mean that Chatanooga hooker you got for a couple of bucks last year.