Give the Man His McNuggets

Can you not take your family out for a nice dinner anymore?  These fine people are trying to enjoy a nice afternoon of shopping and fine dining until this fool completely loses it.  I’m sure you can go to any Mcdonald’s or Wal-mart in the country and find similar behavior.  Granted, this video isn’t exactly catching Bigfoot riding in on a Unicorn but it still captures what I want to think is pretty unique human behavior.  This is exactly why you cannot combine a McDonald’s and a Wal-mart.  You can combine a high end Vegas casino with a 5 star French restaurant but lets just keep these two separate.   This fatty spends what was probably 2 minutes waiting on his chicken nuggets and he loses it.  Never mind the fact that he thinks he ordered this 30 minutes ago.  Never mind the fact that he cusses when there are families with kids.  Never mind that he probably ate 7 Big Macs an hour earlier.  Never mind that there is an entire frozen food section 15 feet away from him.  Never mind the fact that he could walk away with his dignity for $2.39 in lost nuggets.  Fatty is hungry.  Deal with it.  Thank you for shattering all stereotypes.

Wunder Boner

Good news Ladies.   I found the product that every fisherman wants this Christmas.  It is the Wunder Boner.  I know.  Normally, he has to go to a strip club to get this but not anymore thanks to our redneck inventors.  Now, your kitchen will have the same technology as high end fish eateries such as Long John Silvers.  Our you can drop 8.99 at Red Lobster and not get your hands dirty.

Is that BK you are wearing?

Stop sending me the texts and emails.  Yes, I am aware that Burger King has a new body spray called Flame.  No, I have not been wearing it for 10 years.  I resent the fact that you think that I have the desire to constantly smell like cheap fast food.  It just happens to happen that way.  If I wanted to intentionally smell like food, I would buy the new body spray from the Sizzler.  The  last thing I want to do is get lathered up in BK and then get trampled by a bunch of hungry big girls.  They follow me around all day anyway like I am the Pied Piper.  I do not need any help from you King.

While we are at it.  Who says this is for men anyway? Why wouldn’t the single ladies try this?  Maybe you ladies are alone because guys do not care for the sophisticated scent of lilacs and butterflies.  You may get a man’s attention long enough to listen to you if you drop some BK between your tittays.  If that doesn’t work just shove a Whopper in there.  It that fails, it is you.  Trust me, I am not a big fan of the Burger King but you can experiment with nicer restaurants.  I would just stay away from Red Lobster perfumes and try to keep it in the Steak category.  Just use your imagination and you can have it your way.