Bacon Ice Cream

The French are really coming through for us this month.  First, they gave us the World’s Best Ass competition a few weeks ago.  Now, they have discovered Candied Bacon Ice Cream.  This is more than just mixing bacon into your old school vanilla ice cream.  I cannot believe we had to wait for France to come up with this.  What are they teaching in Alabama culinary schools?

http://www.davidlebovitz.com/archives/2008/03/candied_bacon_i_1.html

Cajun Fried Turkey

Like most overweight Americans, my doctor informed me that I should limit my red meat intake to only 4 meals a day.  That is great advice if I happened to be a Somalian villager but the fact is I need a little more than 200 calories a day to survive.  However, my doctor assured me that eating things like turkey and tuna fish would allow me to keep my active lifestyle.  I have decided to take him up on the offer.  Unlike 2oz cans of tuna fish, the turkey comes in the hungry man size of 25lbs.  Finally, I can open one package and eat.  The problem is that it has to be in the oven for 8 hours.

Our fat friends from Louisiana have it figured out.  You take your turkey and drop it in a bucket of hot grease for 5 minutes.  What could go wrong by combining cooking oil heated up to 800 degrees with dumb, drunk and hungry rednecks? Actually, quite a bit.  You basically get two results.  Either Jeb spends Thanksgiving in the burn center, or your house goes the way of a So Cal forest.  My solution is to call the local Hazmat team who are sitting on their ass counting Homeland Security money.  You will need to just wrestle the fried turkey from them before they hit it with the hose.  They will sometimes hose you anyway but it does wash the grease from your chest and the cold water acts as a defibrillator to jump start you into the afternoon.

Cookie Cakes

Is there anything better than the cookie cake?  Not only does it combine my two favorite food groups, the cookie group and the cake group, but it comes in a pizza box.  This also can be used in place of a greeting card.  Your girl friend caught Anorexic?  Your friends at Mrs. Fields can write “Eat Me You Skinny Bitch” right across the top.  Her Anorexic will go away in no time.  Herpes?  Nobody likes Herpes but you send a cookie cake and it will take the sting out so to speak.  You may want to spend more than 15 bucks next time on your “girlfriend”.