Watch the Birdie

Nice job US Airways.  You lucked out that your pilot, Chesley Sullenberger III, knew what the hell he was doing.  He is a hero and all of that but come on.  How can a 5lb bird knock your 747 out of the air?  This is not a Looney Toones episode.  Your 800k lb plane was disabled because a bird flew into it.  I run into pigeons while jogging all the time and it never causes me to break stride except when I am hungry.  We are not talking about a Stinger Missile.  A freaking bird did this.  (Note to our Al Qaeda readers…You cannot train pigeons) I’m not an aerospace engineer but maybe you should put some chicken wire outside of your engine.  Your average Arkansas  farmer can show you how that works.  You never know when a bird is going to come out of nowhere.  This is why I only fly on my Gulfstream.

Don’t forget the other reason not to fly commercial.  (Click Here)

Tiddy Bear

Great last minute gift for the ladies in your life.  I am sure she always complains about the seat belt strap.  I usually just put my hand there to easy the tension but some prudes cannot handle it.  The Tiddy Bear takes care of this awkward situation.  I am hoping they can invent a product that relieves the pain from the lap portion of the seat belt.  I’ll just stick a stuffed animal down there until they figure out something.

Window seat for two please

Finally some good news.  Canada has ruled that fat people do not have to pay for two airline seats.  Thank you Canada.  I will probably fly up for some free health care after the holiday eating season is over in January.  I normally get two meals for my trips so I expect this practice to continue.  I know this is going to upset some of our readers who pay $15 per bag to shove in a 2×2 foot bin.  Just because you pay for excess baggage does not mean that I have to pay for my excess personal baggage.  You can leave that extra pair of shoes at home.  My extra 250lbs is coming with me.  Keep getting angry because I’m probably going to spill over to the third one you will be forced to sit in.  I love to fly and it shows.