Things Fat People Hate: Jeans

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As a heavy set trucker I have a lot of rants. Traffic jams, a nationwide truck stop shortage of white crosses and my sister’s decision to be a truckstop whore, but one thing that really burns my ass is jeans. What skinny ass bitch decided these things would be a good invention? The last time that I tried to deal w/ them I had to take short term disability for 6 mths, so I am deciding that I’m gonna go tit for tit with them and calling them out in this blog. First why is it that every time I decide to wear black jeans at night I have cars ramming me in my ass. I know I have a big ass and its night but my ass is not a tunnel, highway underpass, or a dark place for teens to make out.  Secondly, why are these bitches so hard to put on? Every time I think, let me just slide something on real quick, it takes 13 hrs. By the time I get them on I have to take them back off because they have been road tested and have philly cheese steak stains and smell like liquid smoke. Lastly, why do they have to be made out of denim? One night I was getting ready for a run to the big man capital of the world Amarillo, TX and started a small fire in my cab when rubbed my flinty ass against the captain chair (f.y.i. Geico doesn’t cover that in their policies).

Signed

Hungry and Hopeless in Mexia, TX

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4 Responses to “Things Fat People Hate: Jeans”

  1. C-Sections and Stretchmarks Employee of the Month Says:

    You couldn’t have gotten this more right Hungry in Mexia. I would like to add a little flava to the convo if you don’t mind. I gave up on jeans a long time ago due to the incident that people are now calling ‘The EMT that was never found’ issue. One time I actually was brave enough to wear some Cordoury pants (someone told me they were back in style. Well, I walked from my bedroom to the door and now have 3rd degree burn scars on 20% of my body. I feel your pain Hungry, I just wanted to add the hate for cordoury to this!!!! Thank god for Walmart and jersey knit!!

  2. Tiffany Stanton Says:

    This is hiliarious, yall should make a stand-up comedy.

  3. Stacy Deloski Says:

    LMAO, I sent this to my husband and he almost fell over laughing.

  4. bmi calculator…

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