Things Fat People Hate: Vegetables

As I walked into my favorite place in the world, the grocery store, I had the enthusiasm of a 5 year old on Christmas morning. As I walked in after waiting for 20 minutes to get the closest possible spot to the front door, normally I would b line for the nearest senior citizen offering me a taste of the latest Tostinos pizza bite flavor but i got winded and needed a place to sit down. I wandered somewhere new where I saw beautiful lush greenery, all colors of the world glistening with fresh dew. I couldn’t figure out why the supermarket would put a park in the middle of the store. Imagine my surprise when I saw a woman that looked very much like Calista Flockheart walk up to one of those plants and take a bite.  I was horrified to find out they were for sale and they were meant to be EATEN.  Now forgive me for being naive but aren’t those things supposed to be used as decoration next to the meat on my plate?  What jackass walked by a tree in the forest and noticed some fungus and said “Hey lets eat that”.  Some skinny peace of shit I would imagine. After stopping for a second to urinate on the “lettuce” if that is its real name, I moved on to the place where the real men where and got myself 5 pounds of ground cow for dinner.  Fuck you vegetables.

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4 Responses to “Things Fat People Hate: Vegetables”

  1. You know who this is Says:

    veggies are suppose to be full of vitamins, but why do I always feel more hungry after eating any vegetable. VEGETABLES SUCK!!!!!! and plus they come from dirt how can some eat something that is from dirt, I think that is somehow more disgusting than eating a yummy cheeseburger or turkey leg. MMMMMM-mmm. I am making myself more hungry.

  2. Randy Davis Says:

    This is some funny shit man … whoever comes up with this shit, should get an oscar.

  3. Are you serious? Please tell me that the entry is pure irony. This sounds so stupid.

    @You know who this is:
    Here I also hope your response is ironic….I can’t believe a single word, because EVERYTHING has to do with things that are coming from ‘dirt’. If your opinion is true…you are uneducated and stupid!

    Vegetables are good for your health! Eat vegetables until your hungery vanishes.

  4. No Sissy,
    We are really doing this as a public service for our readers. Would you eat a hamburger that was buried in dirt for 6 weeks while somebody was watering in cow manure and bug chemicals? The product aka produce is then picked by the bare hands of a worker who is sweating all day and then put in a sack. Would you eat that? I know I wouldn’t and we don’t think you should either. You can eat bananas because they are grown on trees and have the peel which is nature’s burger king wrapper.

    Have it your way,

    The Braintrust

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