Things Fat People Hate: Vegetables
As I walked into my favorite place in the world, the grocery store, I had the enthusiasm of a 5 year old on Christmas morning. As I walked in after waiting for 20 minutes to get the closest possible spot to the front door, normally I would b line for the nearest senior citizen offering me a taste of the latest Tostinos pizza bite flavor but i got winded and needed a place to sit down. I wandered somewhere new where I saw beautiful lush greenery, all colors of the world glistening with fresh dew. I couldn’t figure out why the supermarket would put a park in the middle of the store. Imagine my surprise when I saw a woman that looked very much like Calista Flockheart walk up to one of those plants and take a bite. I was horrified to find out they were for sale and they were meant to be EATEN. Now forgive me for being naive but aren’t those things supposed to be used as decoration next to the meat on my plate? What jackass walked by a tree in the forest and noticed some fungus and said “Hey lets eat that”. Some skinny peace of shit I would imagine. After stopping for a second to urinate on the “lettuce” if that is its real name, I moved on to the place where the real men where and got myself 5 pounds of ground cow for dinner. Fuck you vegetables.