What do you get when you combine the sex appeal of John Kerry with the charisma of Eli Manning? You get none other than Michael Phelps. Wow, you won eight races against third world losers who were too busy looking for catfish to bother with your “race”. I appreciate you using your retard strength for good but nobody cares. You brag about eating 12,000 calories a day, big freaking deal. I eat 20,000 calories a day and you don’t see me prancing around in a Speedo with my shirt off in public.
Don’t feel bad Phelps. We also hate Aquaman. If you remove Aquaman from the ocean, you basically have a retard at Petsmart talking to goldfish. Cat in a tree? Call the Brown Hornet. A baby in a burning building? Better let you take care of it Spiderman. Try keeping those stupid dolphin friends out of my tuna can and then we’ll call you a superhero. Either go to the ocean and snag me some lobsters or go away.
Now that we have that established, stop with the commercials. Did you not learn your lesson hosting SNL? Of course not, you just sucked the life out of the new Rockband commercial. By the way, your lead singer shouldn’t have to rape the groupies. Even Weird Al still scores coessentially for the most part. Don’t choke in NBA finals and you don’t have to resort to that Kobe. It is simple. Women like winners…just not you Phelps.