Like all heterosexual males, I was too busy watching the NFL on Sunday to realize that we crowned two new champions. In America, some soccer team beat another soccer team to win the Major League Soccer championship. While in Canada, a football team won the Grey Cup. If they only could have somehow fit the WNBA championship game in yesterday, the trifecta of crappy championships would be complete.
I have nothing against soccer. When I was five, I played the sport just like millions of American kids. It is a perfect game to play as a little kid. You basically chase a soccer ball around a football field until the game ends in a tie. The only rules are that you cannot use your hands, which is why most guys stop playing when they hit puberty. I outgrew the “sport” when I reached the age of six and discovered football, basketball and baseball. It is cute that people play it as adults. I have heard of that guy who bangs anorexic spice and I’m sure he’s really good. The problem I have with both is that ESPN decided to run the scores across the bottom crawl of ESPN news. This interrupts the real sports scores for about 20 seconds. Other than the 20 seconds, I would have had no idea they even bothered to play these seasons let alone crowned a champion.
If you are one of our foreign readers, please do not be offended. You probably grew up in a war torn environment which limited your sports equipment options as a kid. That is fine. I hope your country’s team beats the French or Germans or whoever. I don’t care. Nobody here does. We have ESPN Deportes for you. As for you Americans, get with the program. Watching crappy sports does not make you European; it just makes you less American.