Thanksgiving Hates

turkeyfire

Thanksgiving is really a simple holiday.  You eat as much as humanly possible and you watch football.  There really should not be any complaints.  Especially since this holiday was designed for the big man.  It just so happens that I have a few things that I hate about Thanksgiving that does not involve my heritage.

  1. Dieters – I do not mind the fact that you eat small amounts.  I just hate to listen you remind me of your diet every other bite.  It is one meal for only one day of the year.  Shut the hell up and put some food in your mouth.  I don’t care how many carbs a hot roll has or how many fat grams your salad dressing contains.  Live a little.
  2. People who show up empty handed – OK, you decide at the last minute to bring your family of six to my house and you bring only for appetites.  Did you forget something loser?  Oh, I get it, your wife does not really cook and you did not have time to stop off at Wal-Mart.  I have to now make my meal for seven stretch to a meal for thirteen.  That means less for me and yes, we have a problem.
  3. People who eat half of their plate and offer it to me. I see you loaded the plate down and are starting to slow down.  You finally give up and instead of just either going the full nine innings; you decide you need a relief pitcher.  Just throw your food away.  There is nothing more demeaning to the big man then to be looked at as one step above the trash can.  If I am still hungry and we are out of food, I have no problem digging through the garbage myself.
  4. Paper or Plastic Plates I know I am not eating at the Trump Mansion, but is it too much to ask to eat off of a standard plate?  I am not testing driving a Prius.  I should not have to worry about torsion and weight distribution of my food.
  5. Detroit Lions Thanksgiving should be about football.  Whatever you are doing out there is not football.  Why are you on my television set while I am trying to enjoy my lunch?  I know it has been a rough year for you with the automakers and your team going 0-11.  You should be angry.  I just don’t understand how you can riot and burn half of Detroit down when you win but can’t overturn a single cop car when you lose every game.  Explain that logic.
  6. Black Friday This drives me crazy.  You are going to wake me up at 2am to go stand in line at Wal-Mart to buy a 19inch tv for $99.  You can by the same tv for $104 any other day of the year.  Or you can wait until next week and buy it for $96.  I know you don’t understand so shut up and set your alarm.  Who doesn’t want to wait in line 5 hours in freezing cold to save $4.

Other than that this is my second favorite holiday of the year.

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6 Responses to “Thanksgiving Hates”

  1. I’ve lived outside of Detroit all my life, I’m not exactly sure when the last time anyone has rioted and burnt half the city down for any reason much less the elusive Lions victory. And yes, we know, the Lions suck. Blah blah blah. Most of us around here are rooting for 0-16, we figure there’s no way they can’t not clean house after that finish.

  2. Concerned Human Says:

    Hey Rob,

    I feel your pain. At least you have the University of Michigan….Go Bucks!

  3. Rob Enthusiast Says:

    Well, there is always the GM plant. We can always count on that….wait…did I speak to soon?

  4. Concerned Human Says:

    Dude, it may be time to abandon ship. I’ve heard Utah is nice.

  5. You are probably right Rob but at the very least you guys should torch a Toyota dealership after what the Titans did to you.

  6. Hahaha, I love number 3. It is so true!

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