Archive for December, 2008

2008 Musical Performance of the Year

Posted in 2008 Year End Awards with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 31, 2008 by Straight Cash Homey

We are moving on to the 2008 Musical Performance of the Year.  It was not a great year for music but I managed to find a few acts who did better then the rest.  Here are the nominees.

  1. ColdplayViva La Vida.  Not a big fan of this song.  I think it was because I like Ricky Martin’s Living La Vida Loca better.
  2. Lil’ WayneMrs. Officer.  Great sequel to the NWA song.  Nice to hear a romantic rap that does not involve a 187 on a lady cop.
  3. Will.I.AmYes We Can.  Genius song to put Obama’s speech to music.  Almost as eloquent as Toby Keith’s We’ll put a boot in your ass song.
  4. Hall & OatesShe’s Gone.  Title pretty much sums  it up for you.  I’m not sure if she left Hall, Oates or both but she’s probably not coming back.

And the 2008 Musical Performance of the Year goes to………

Hall & Oates.  This video is something that you need to see.  I have analyzed this frame by frame like the Zapruder film.  Hall is higher than a giraffes’ testicle and has no idea that he may want to put some effort into lip syncing.  He actually smokes during his “singing”.  Oates is dressed in a Chippendale’s outfit for no reason.  The choreography consists of a woman walking across the stage followed by a devil a few seconds later.  They both keep forgetting that the devil cues them to throw fake money.  The budget for this entire video could not have been more than 14 bucks which includes the smokes.    Words cannot describe how great this is.  Enjoy.

2008 Loser Of The Year

Posted in 2008 Year End Awards with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 31, 2008 by Straight Cash Homey

Our next category is the 2008 Loser of the Year.  This was a tough category to narrow.  We have so many losers to choose from but I have managed to give you the very worst.  Here are the nominees for the 2008 Loser of the Year.

  1. Starbucks – A rough economy and the fact that McDonalds taught their employees to pour water into a machine spells doom for the $5 cup of coffee.  Nice run while it lasted.
  2. Jessica Simpson – You date a loser who is a douchebag.  Your sister replaced you on the covers of entertainment magazines by becoming hotter than you through tons of plastic surgery and getting banged by an emosexual.  You put out a country music album that nobody cares about and you may be in fact legally retarded.  Go away.
  3. The City of Detroit – Where do we start?  The Lions, GM, Ford or Matt Millen.  Millen is actually a winner as he is still cashing 10 million worth of checks.  I am rooting for the factory workers but your bosses need to learn how to beg for money.  You do not ask your boss for a raise while showing up in a limo and dressed in a tux.  On the plus side, the price of an ounce of crack is going down.
  4. Hillary Clinton – Tough year for her.  The democrats wanted no part of her.  Obama made her his secretary.  She set fashion back 35 years.   Tape your damn ankles and wear some high heels.  Monica wore a skirt and so can you.  Lighten up a little too.
  5. Brett Favre – Walked away from millions from the Packers to go throw interceptions with the Jets.  Should have just walked away.

The winner is……

The City of Detroit.  It looks like you finally didn’t lose something.  You are now the 2008 Loser of the year. Please do not riot after reading this.

Detroit 1-16

2008 Entertainer of the Year

Posted in 2008 Year End Awards with tags , , , , , , , , , on December 30, 2008 by Straight Cash Homey

jerrynay05loretta

It is time for our first annual 2008 Year End Awards.  Can you have an annual 2008 Year End Awards?  Does this mean that we will have a 2008 Year End Awards in 2009 and beyond?  I have no idea but here we go.  This year was a great year in the entertainment world.  I have narrowed the field down to four entertainers.   They are in no particular order:

  1. Heath Ledger – The guy went from being the butt of jokes literally to putting together one of the greatest acting jobs in the last 50 years.  He was so good that I question whether the Batman franchise will move on without him.
  2. Tina Fey – She will get all of the attention for the Palin impressions on SNL.  I am giving her this nomination based upon her show 30 Rock.  Alec Baldwin and Tracy Morgan are great and this show is really underrated.
  3. Angelica Carrera – Many of you know this exotic beauty from her modeling and club hosting.  Her dancing is very respected in the hip hop community which I represent as you probably know.
  4. Lil Wayne – Dude is up for 8 Grammys and has not been shot yet this year.  He was also arrested for weed, coke and X.  Great year for him.

And the winner goes to….

Angelica Carrera for giving me an excuse to post this youtube video.  You will be more entertained in this 72 seconds than in Tina Feys overhyped Palin, Ledger’s Joker or Lil Wayne’s rapping.  Enjoy.

New UFC Ring Girl

Posted in Fashion World with tags , , , , , , , on December 30, 2008 by Straight Cash Homey

logan5

Enough about hockey.  Let’s get back to sports.  There is a bit of controversy surrounding the new ring girl for the UFC.  The ring girl is very important as it balances out the fact that you are watching two guys in shorts roll around on the ground together for long periods of time.  Sure they are beating the crap out of each other but it does get awkward to hear the terms rear naked choke and full mount yelled out by one of the other 50 dudes watching this with you.  The ring girl allows you to watch a nice Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu display without being homo.  Here is the controversy.  Many of the UFC fans are not feeling this girl.  She is a throwback to the days when the cost of breast implants exceeded a 19 year old girl’s credit limit.  I personally think she will be fine and like her look.  America is certainly divided.  Is Vegas ready for a girl like this?  Right now, she is the Jackie Robinson of 2008 ring girls.  I think the over under for her getting implants is 3 months.  Any takers?  Should she?  This is a serious discussion.  Let’s keep this professional.

Get Off My Lawn

Posted in Sports with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 30, 2008 by Straight Cash Homey

snowwrigley

Now that the NFL season is over (fing Cowboys),  I have decided to look forward to other sporting events.  I just realized that the NHL is still in business by the fact that they will conduct a game at Wrigley Field this Thursday.  I love Canada.  I like George St. Pierre as middleweight champ.  But let’s be honest here, hockey is nothing more than soccer on ice.  You skate around for a few hours and most likely end in a tie.  You give us last names without vowels that end in X that we cannot pronounce.  You give us the term Hockey Moms which is moronic.  You give us fights in which nobody gets knocked unconscious.  I have seen Jr. High girls end fights better then your figure skaters.  I like Canada, Detroit and Chicago but please keep that crap to yourself just as the south should do with Nascar and Europe should do with soccer.  It is going to suck when the Calgary Flamers move to a place like Albuquerque, New Mexico.  You know it is going to happen.  Keep that stuff up there.  I live 15 miles from a team that won a Stanley cup a few years ago and nobody here cares.  Do not get mad or blame me.  I am actually supporting the hockey fan on this one.  Having teams in Disney World and North Carolina ends your sport.  Leave Wrigley out of this and do not tear up the infield with your game.  Go Cubs Go.

Dude’s a Tripp

Posted in Breaking News with tags , , , , , , , , , on December 29, 2008 by Straight Cash Homey

spears

We have more breaking baby news for our readers.  Last week we gave you the exclusive baby pictures of the crazy lady that had a few dozen kids on purpose.  (Keep your comments coming)  Today, I am announcing that Levi Johnston, which is a great name for chewing tobacco or Whiskey, and Bristol Palin had the baby.  It was a 7lb boy who they named David.  Or did they?   Of course they did not name him anything normal.  Why would you?  He is going to be known as Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnson.  I was hoping for an Eskimo name but they gave it a somewhat normal name considering everything.  Would have made my year if they named him Eskimo Joe, Camero, Federline or even Barack.  Oh well.  We wish the family well and keep the comments classy on this one.  I feel like People magazine.  Maybe we will give you the exclusive baby photos later.

Take Note Romo

Posted in Sports with tags , , , , , , , , , , on December 29, 2008 by Straight Cash Homey

I am really too pissed off to deal with anything tonight and would rather quit just like the Cowboys.  However, I am not a loser.  I brought in Youtube Sports Demonstration sensation Kige Ramsey to show Tony Romo how to properly play quarterback.   Kige actually grips the ball without fumbling it on the ground.  He then drops back and throws it a good 7 yards downfield.  You do not see Ed Reed or some Philly scrub running with the ball the other way while he looks at the camera.  Kige does not one hop a two yard out on 3rd and 1.  He just drops back and throws the ball properly.  It is not that hard Romo.

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