Christmas Gifts for the Big Man

Everybody dreads trying to find a gift for the guy who has everything.  What about the guy who eats everything?  Do you go the food route?  Try to size him up for clothes? It is not easy.  This is why we are here to give you the definitive gift buying guide for the fat guy.  Today, we will go down the easy road which is food.  Come back later for additional ideas if you feel guilty of being an enabler.  UPDATE: Stocking Stuffers for Fatty is posted.

UPDATE: Bad Gift Ideas for the Big Man

Hot Dog Roller Grill


Finally, the fine folks at Grill-Max allow you to enjoy a nice home cooked meal.  There is nothing worse than having to sift through day laborers and teenage stoners just to get a meal.  No more 7-11’s for me.  This roller also has an added safety feature that allows you to manually shut the machine off and stop the rollers.  This comes in handy when you try to lick the grease off by accident.  There is nothing worse than getting your tongue stuck while the rollers drag your face across the hot grill.  You never really get used to that.

Cotton Candy Machine


The Cotton Candy Machine is another gift that fatty will love.  Do you notice how all of the finer restaurants do not have cotton candy machines?  It has always sucked not being able to order a handful after a nice steak.  Now you do not have to be the creepy guy at the carnival just to eat cotton candy.  You can now be the creepy guy in your own living room while enjoying a mouthful of this stuff.  The great thing about cotton candy is the versatility.  Not only can you eat it but you can also wear it.  I make nice shirts, blankets, towels and tents.  You could drop me off on Mount Everest with just a cotton candy machine and I would last a month.  That is the Native American in me.  Do not try this on your own.

Corn Dog Fryer


Every fat man worth a damn has a Fry Daddy.  Hell, I have 3 just in case the other two go out during breakfast.  The Corn Dog Fryer is something special.  This allows you to fry six at a time.  The best feature is the metal clamp that holds all six corn dogs.  This prevents the fat guy from getting excited and sticking his hand in the hot grease.  You no longer have to risk a 9th degree burn on your hand just to enjoy food on a stick.

Hickory Farms Handyman Toolbag


This tool bag is for the working man.  You will have a full supply of every meat product, cheese and meat by product in the Hickory Farms lineup.   The great thing about this tool bag is that it doubles as an actual tool bag.  The drawback is that none of the meat or cheese included needs refrigeration.  I am not a doctor but that can’t be good.  I suggest you eat all seven pounds within the first hour to avoid a bad afternoon.

Hot Cheese Dispenser


The Hot Cheese Dispenser is great for kitchens and bathrooms.  Can you think of a meal that is not better with cheese?  I hate salads as much as the next guy but a few gallons of cheese will make you feel like you are not eating healthy.  You may choose a model that allows you to fit your head between a dispenser and the base.  This is great for the big man who does not have a big woman to wash dishes.  I know your next question.  Why would you put this in the bathroom?  My question is why doesn’t Colgate develop Nacho flavor toothpaste?  Now, you don’t have to wait.


35 Responses to “Christmas Gifts for the Big Man”

  1. “You may choose a model that allows you to fit your head between a dispenser and the base.”


    Great post.

  2. So, I guess it’s a ‘no’ on that wicker furniture I had picked out for you…damn.

  3. yourmomsmellsfunny Says:

    What man in general wouldn’t want any of these things?

  4. Concerned Human Says:

    hey YourMom, that may be the greatest comment ever posted on this site. Fat or not, no man can resist a nacho cheese dispenser. Any man that disagrees is the type that takes home leftovers from a resturant.

  5. Or you could just buy him some



    Can you believe this Shit?

  6. Concerned Human Says:

    That may be the most wonderful thing I have ever seen…

  7. Elias Tannous Says:

    May i ask you please about the price of the cotton candy machine
    and what kind of sugar i wanna use on it, if i wanna open a little store
    thank you

  8. Anonymous Says:


  9. JenMychael Says:

    Do you still have the Old fashonied Corn Dog Fryer

    If not, do you know where to buy it?

  10. history of christmas crackers…

    […]Christmas Gifts for the Big Man « Things Fat People Hate[…]…

  11. cristmas gift…

    […]Christmas Gifts for the Big Man « Things Fat People Hate[…]…

  12. sugar…

    […]Christmas Gifts for the Big Man « Things Fat People Hate[…]…

  13. four man tents…

    […]Christmas Gifts for the Big Man « Things Fat People Hate[…]…

  14. the best fat burning exercise…

    […]Christmas Gifts for the Big Man « Things Fat People Hate[…]…

  15. wicker furniture sets…

    […]Christmas Gifts for the Big Man « Things Fat People Hate[…]…

  16. 16/09/2009· there are several hypotheses in regards to the origins of the most useful man. A single idea is the fact that within the times of the particular outrageous gulf within the establishing united states the best man has been the most effective …Perth Bride

  17. I am regular visitor, how are you everybody? This post posted at this website is really nice.

  18. Hello! I just want to give you a huge thumbs up
    for the excellent info you have here on this post.
    I will be coming back to your blog for more soon.

  19. We stumbled over here by a different web page and thought I
    might check things out. I like what I see so now i am following you.
    Look forward to exploring your web page yet again.

  20. I always spent my half an hour to read this web site’s content all the time along with a cup of coffee.

  21. My brother suggested I might like this website.
    He was once totally right. This put up actually made my day.

    You can not consider just how much time I had spent for this
    info! Thanks!

  22. whoah this blog is wonderful i love reading
    your posts. Stay up the great work! You know, many persons are searching round for this information, you can
    help them greatly.

  23. I’m now not positive where you are getting your information, however great topic. I needs to spend some time studying more or understanding more. Thanks for great info I was searching for this info for my mission.

  24. If you are going for finest contents like I do, simply pay a quick
    visit this web page all the time since it offers feature contents, thanks

  25. I love what you guys are usually up too. This type of clever work and
    reporting! Keep up the wonderful works guys I’ve included you guys to my blogroll.

  26. Hello, i think that i saw you visited my weblog thus i came to “return the favor”.
    I am attempting to find things to improve my web site!
    I suppose its ok to use some of your ideas!!

  27. It’s very effortless to find out any topic on web as compared to books, as I found this paragraph at this site.

  28. wonderful submit, very informative. I ponder why
    the opposite experts of this sector don’t understand this. You must proceed your writing. I’m confident, you have a great readers’ base already!

  29. At this moment I am going away to do my breakfast,
    afterward having my breakfast coming yet again to read more news.

  30. When someone writes an article he/she retains the image of
    a user in his/her brain that how a user can be aware of it.

    Therefore that’s why this paragraph is perfect. Thanks!

  31. These are actually great ideas in regarding blogging.

    You have touched some nice factors here.
    Any way keep up wrinting.

  32. I’m not sure where you’re getting your information, but good topic.
    I needs to spend some time learning much more or understanding more.
    Thanks for magnificent info I was looking for this info for my

  33. Hey! This is my first visit to your blog! We
    are a team of volunteers and starting a new project in a community
    in the same niche. Your blog provided us useful information to work on. You have done a marvellous

  34. I really like reading a post that can make men and women think.
    Also, thank you for allowing for me to comment!

  35. Hello to every one, it’s really a nice for me to pay a quick visit
    this website, it consists of precious Information.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: