Mall Santa Hates


What do you get when you add a red suit, a white beard and a fat guy?  The good old Mall Santa.  If you are like me and have a $30 dollar a day snickers habit, any part time job is appreciated.  This year I spend a few hours taking pictures with kids and so I can get to super size my order a few more times a day.  It is not as easy as I thought it would be.  Here are the biggest complaints from the Mall Santa.

1) Crying Kids – How does a four year old already need psychological help?  Your mom is three feet away.  Toughen up kid.  Unless you plan on to grow up to coach the Rams, life is going to be rough on you.  Nobody likes a crier.

2) Rich Suburban Kids – You are 5 years old and your mom spent more on your matching outfit than I did on my entire wardrobe.  The last thing I need to hear is that you want a new surround sound for your home theater in your room.  Go to hell.

3) Snotty Kids – I am sorry kid.  I cannot hear what you want because you just sneezed in my face.  Did I hear Kleenex or Vitamin C?  How about Santa bringing you an immune system?  You do not live in a third world country.  Go away.

4) High School Girls – I am sorry wrong list.  How did that get there?  People in line seem to get mad when I spend 45 minutes making sure I get everything on their list.  Don’t judge me.

5) Gay Guys – Don’t even think about sitting here fruitcake.  Let me guess.  You want soccer equipment, Philadelphia Eagles gear, or the new High School Musical DVD.  How did I know?  Not that difficult.

6) Elves – Can we not just waive the child labor laws for just this purpose?  No offense, but I get really freaked out by the “little people” in Elves costumes.  Do they get less than minimum wage?  Not sure how that works.  Just stay out of my way.

There are many more complaints than the ones that I have listed.   However, the extra $55 that I made this week is somewhat worth it.


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