Archive for June, 2009

King of Pop RIP

Posted in Breaking News with tags , , on June 28, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

mjackson

I’m sure many of you are aware by now, but if not, I will be the first to break the news to you.  Michael Jackson is dead.   I have not issued my official statement yet because I’m not really sure what to think.  MTV has cut away from their programming of teen whores who got knocked up to do a decent tribute.  It has been so long since the guy was in the news that you forget how talented he was which sucks for the guy but that is something he brought on himself.

OJ Simpson was a hall of fame running back.  He was found not guilty for killing his wife.  Barry Bonds is the home run king and he never tested positive for steroids.  Michael Jackson was never found guilty of sleeping with young boys.  The problem is that if you honestly ask yourself did he do something wrong with those boys, 99% will say yes.  I cannot overlook that and neither should anybody else no matter how much you want to bust out a thriller dance in your living room.

There are lessons to be learned from this.  The first is that you should never let young boys spend the night nor give them booze and porn.  That should be obvious.  The second lesson is that if you spend more than you make you will eventually run out of money and people will stop lending you money.  You will find yourself doing 50 concerts for some blokes overseas.  The final lesson is you should stop being weird.  Its pretty simple.  If Jackson followed these three lessons, he would be kicking back at Neverland Ranch doing whatever he wanted to do with money in the bank and respect.

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Kung Fu

Posted in Breaking News with tags , , , , , on June 7, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

davidc

Not a good week for Kung Fu fans or the Thailand Tourism Agency.  I’m not sure what the family of David Carradine was thinking when they disputed the early suicide reports.  You might have been better off by simply stating he was depressed over accidentally wasting 3 dollars on a tranny hooker and decided to end it.  Now you have the news of him doing who knows what with a rope and his deviant imagination.  Of course in Thailand this is considered dying of natural causes.  That is a messed up country but I’m sure this was not the strangest story of the day coming out of that place.  You freaks need to either get a spotter or a hooker with a little knot loosening experience.

Tears of a Clown

Posted in Breaking News with tags , , , , on June 1, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

clown

Who said clowns are creepy?  Sure they scare little kids and freak out adults but does that make them creepy?  I have no idea what they are doing in this picture.  If you are going to carry a casket, you may want to use the somber face paint.  The guy in the red hair looks a little too happy right now to be putting Bozo in the ground.  I’m sure they have just traumatized another generation.  Nice going Clown.