Archive for the 2008 Year End Awards Category

2008 Man of the Year

Posted in 2008 Year End Awards with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 4, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

It is finally here.  The world has been waiting for the 2008 TFPH Man of the Year which may be the most prestigious honor that we bestow on an individual.  My vote is tallied and here are the nominees.

  1. Charles Barkley–  The Chuckster ended the year strong.   Not only does he give us a reason to stay up and watch Clipper games but he is also giving back to society.  Despite the poor economy he was still willing to hire a young lady at 3 in the morning.  How many new jobs did you create in 2009?  That is what I thought.
  2. Barack Obama – Obama was named Time Magazine Person of the Year and becomes the first black President since William Mckinley.  He also inspired a Young Jeezy song that I cannot get out of my head.
  3. World’s Fattest Man – Manuel Uribe dropped 700lbs and got married.  He also introduced us to the term sex ramp which conjures up images of Evil Knievel and the porn industry.  The only drawback is the profit margin from  Taco Bell declined 70% in direct correlation with his weight loss.
  4. Artie Lange – 2008 was a tremendous roller coaster ride for Artie Lange.  He is the only reason to listen to the Stern show and became a best selling author with Too Fat to Fish.  The only thing slowing him down are cupcakes and heroin.

And the 2008 TFPH Man of the Year goes to….

Artie Lange.  Nobody is more entertaining on the late night talk shows than that baby gorilla.  He is a fifth of Jack Daniels away from sweeping the Trainwreck of the Year category (Click Here) but he managed to hold things together.  Let’s be thankful that they have not developed a cheese flavored heroin.  Here is Artie on Jimmy Kimmel.

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2008 Marriage Proposal of the Year

Posted in 2008 Year End Awards with tags , , , , , , , , , on January 4, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

I have attended thousands of sporting events over the years.  I will a accept the over priced tickets, $20 parking and the fact that the 12oz beer that I downed out of the wax cup cost me $9.   The one thing that I will not accept is the douchebag that uses a break in action to propose to his girlfriend.  It was original the first time.  We do not need you to profess your love during a 20 second time out.

The 2008 Marriage Proposal of the Year will hopefully put an end to this trend.   I love how the girl rejects this clown like she’s Akeem Olajawon in his prime.  I’m guessing she dis not want her marriage proposal to come with the stench of Dikembe Mutombo in the air.  Let this be a lesson.  Leave me out of your marriage proposals and you will not have Tracy McGrady laughing at you or have to be consoled by the team mascot.

2008 TV Show of the Year

Posted in 2008 Year End Awards with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on January 3, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

Back to our 2008 Year End Awards.  We have already awarded the 2008 Cooking Show of the Year and I am not going to give you the TV Show of the Year.  I would like to welcome anybody without basic cable to a new world.  There is more to television programming than CSI on every network.  I can assure you that you will not see an autopsy on any of the 2008 nominees.

  1. The Wire – Many of you do not understand the ghetto which means that this show may confuse you.  I have found that the ghetto drug dealers beat the big city crack prices.  The Wire allows you to converse with the “shot callas”  without sounding like you are from the suburbs.  This is HBO’s best show period.
  2. The Shield – This is by far my favorite cop show.  Where else can you see a 5’2 bald tough guy regulating the streets of LA.  The Shield writers tossed the scripted cop show format and gave you something unique for 7 years.  Hard to believe this was on cable and not HBO.
  3. Buona Dominca – America gives us Rosie O’Donnell variety shows (Click here) while Italy gives us Sara Varone.  I do not speak Italian so I have no idea what the hell they are talking about but the beauty of the show is that you do not need to know what the hell they are saying.
  4. Always Sunny in Philadelphia – The best comedy show on TV by far.  Do not let the word Philadelphia in the title discourage you.  Yes it is about losers and yes the people are terrible but it works.  If you are not watching this, you deserve another decade of Friends.

And the winner is……
Buona Dominca.  This was a tough call.  I love all of these shows but Sara Varone makes this Youtube friendly.  Here is a nice clip of her on a surfboard machine and tiny dress.  The NBC equivalent would be Rosie on a forklift.  This why Italy is light years ahead of us.  Enjoy.

2008 Trainwreck of the Year

Posted in 2008 Year End Awards with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 2, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

We would like to take this time to thank drugs, alcohol, stupidity, and mental illness for giving us the trainwrecks that we want to see.  This year’s field really went above and beyond for our entertainment.  Surprisingly, Tom Cruise, Brittany Spears and Pac Man Jones did not make the list.  Here are our Nominees for 2008 Trainwreck of the Year:

  1. Kathy Griffin – You spent how much in plastic surgery to look like the prop comic?  Could you not have asked for the Megan Fox face?  She makes the list for her hacky comic comeback on live CNN.  She makes news by using a comeback that Carlos Mencia wouldn’t steal.
  2. Amy Winehouse – Let the girl enjoy her crack.  She has found something she loves and people should leave her alone.  I’m the first blogger ever not to insert a Rehab reference in regards to Amy.  We look forward to 2009.
  3. Gary Busey – Can somebody tell me why he does not have a reality show?  Most people do not have the longevity it takes to reach the Busey level.   Brittney tried but just couldn’t pull it off.  Keep it coming Busey.
  4. Jake The Snake Roberts – How is this guy still alive?  The Snake proves that you can do as much coke, heroin, meth and crack as humanly possible and still wrestle in Jr. High gyms at 53.  His Youtube clip in September reinforced his standing as America’s Sweetheart.

The Winner of the 2008 Trainwreck of the year is…..

Gary Busey.  I’m not sure if it is drugs, mental illness or not wearing a helmet but he takes this baby home.  When you check into Celebrity Rehab and have Jeff Conway say you are not right, then you are a winner in my book.  Here is Gary Busey at the 2008 Grammy’s.

2008 Fighter of the Year

Posted in 2008 Year End Awards with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 2, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

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2008 was a great year for the fight world.  The UFC and Boxing really gave us some great violence.  We would like to recognize the Fighter of the Year.  Here are the nominees:

  1. Anderson Silva – The UFC 185lb champ was dominate as ever.  The Spider is running out of ways to destroy people.  He is also running out of people to beat up in the division.
  2. Manny Pacquiao – The Lightweight Champ finished Oscar De La Hoya for an easy paycheck.  This sets up a great fight with Floyd Mayweather in 09.  The Pac-man is brutal.
  3. Larry Johnson –  The 120lb Women’s Champ won and defended his title in two separate Kansas City bar fights.  Unfortunately for the Kanas City Chiefs, the Ladies Man did not bring the same intensity to the football field.  How is he not in prison?
  4. Gina Carano –  The 155lb Women’s Champ proved that she’s not another pretty face and ass.  She beat more women in 2008 than Ike Turner.  Hopefully, she’ll drop down in class and destroy Larry Johnson.  She is really tough in the full mount position.

And the winner is….

Anderson Silva.  He is on another level right now.  Silva has cleaned out the 185 division and could easily take the 205 title.  Here is a quick demonstration of the pimp elbow.

2008 Cooking Show of the Year

Posted in 2008 Year End Awards with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 1, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

The Food Network has replaced late night Cinemax for the fatty community.  For some reason, it is more socially acceptable to watch 14 hours straight of the Food Network then Scramblevision .  We are here to honor the accomplishments of the great TV chefs with the 2008 Cooking Show of the Year.  The nominees are:

  1. Boy Meets Grill – Bobby Flay combines two of my favorite elements with his use of fire and meat.  Flay cooks like a man is supposed to cook which is outdoors and on a grill.
  2. 30 Minute Meals – Rachel Ray answers the question that everybody has asked once in their lives.  What would happen if the Joker and the Penguin had a baby?  It would be none other than Rachel Ray.  One last thing Rachel, Nutrish is not a w0rd you idiot.
  3. Paula’s Home Cooking –  Paula Dean knows how to use the basic food groups of butter, bacon, grease and chocolate.  Her recipes have killed more dumb Southerners then rabid raccoon and hunting accidents combined.  Ladies, she should be your role model in the kitchen.
  4. Denise Milani Cooking – Denise Milani uses all of her skills in the kitchen to deliver a fantastic cooking show.  Ladies, she should be your role model in all rooms of the house and the front/back yard if the neighbors are not around.

And the winner is……

Denise Milani with her Salad with Some Breasts of Chicken recipe.  I am not sure if English is her first language.  She may be from Italy or may be a product of the Oklahoma public school system but who cares.  The show does a great job of using the overhead camera angle around 5:10 and she gets rid of that restricting apron around 8 minutes.  Congratulations to Denise on her victory.

2008 Hamburger of the Year

Posted in 2008 Year End Awards with tags , , , , , , , , , on January 1, 2009 by Jasen

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Its time that we recognize those that had the courage to take the hamburger further than the normal 3 patties and 8 pieces of bacon that most of us enjoy as a pre dinner snack.  Here are the nominees for the best hamburger of 2008.

1. Australia’s Hungry Jack : Quad Stack– Apparently the Australians are good for something other than Elle Macpherson and Arnold Schwarzenegger.  4 patties, 4 pieces of cheese, bacon 71g of fat….and pure love.

2. Hardee’s Thickburger – From the company that brought us Paris Hilton in a bikini cleaning a car, which I think is exactly where she should stay, we have the Thickburger.  Two things set this beast apart from other burgers.  “Butter Flavored Shortening”  and Hardee’s CEO quote “This isn’t a burger for tree huggers”  God bless you Hardee’s

3. The Krispy Kreme Burger –As I type this I just got a tear in my eye.  Whoever decided to take a bacon cheeseburger and slap it between two Krispy Kreme donuts maybe the American of the year.  Some may say this is over the top, I say this is why God invented heart transplants.

And the winner is…………….The Krispy Kreme Burger

I can see it now…”Shit! the bun got soggy on the way home from Jack in the Box, I knew I should have gone ahead and eaten the third Ultimate Cheeseburger in the car.  Wait a minute…I still have that box of donuts I stole from work on Friday.  Eureka! “