Archive for the Douchebags Category

Collinsworth likes them young

Posted in Douchebags with tags , , , , , , , , , on September 12, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

Great piece of journalism here.  Terre Blair explores the myth that millionaire professional athletes do better with the ladies than your average factory worker.  Guess what?  They do.  I’m glad that mystery is solved.

Cris Collinsworth probably wants this one back.  He shares of technique of walking around with 100 dollar bills in his pocket and also talks about the high school girls.  It sounds like his 100 bill trick only works with girls ages 14-18 until they figure it out around their freshman year of college.  Now that he is replacing Madden.  Do you think we may have a new Collinsworth Cruiser?  Just a nice yellow school bus should do the trick.

Alabama Fan Loses It

Posted in Douchebags with tags , , , , , , , , , , on September 10, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

College Football is back and what better way then to highlight the nice fan base from Alabama.  I’ll admit that I knew this was not going to be pretty when I received this link that simply stated Bama Fan.  Sure enough the jackass made a fool of himself with his pom poms and surprisingly without the aid of Jack Daniels.  Something tells me had a similar reaction during Obama’s speech last night.  This was game one.  Enjoy the season and learn how to swing a folding chair like a man.

Free Hugs vs Deluxe Hugs

Posted in Douchebags with tags , , , , , , on April 28, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

Take that hippy.  Nobody wants you awkwardly groping them for free.  We are still a capitalistic country in which we prefer to pay for things.  I’m afraid he made more in the last hour than 99% of the people who just wasted their time reading this.  This could be a sign the economy is returning or people are just desperate for human contact.  Not really sure.

What’s Love Got To Do With It?

Posted in Douchebags with tags , , , , , , , on March 3, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

wife-beater

The Internet is reporting that Rihanna has weathered the first round beating she took from Chris Brown and is back for Round 2.  What the hell is this girl thinking?  Is she now taking relationship advice from the producers of Cops?  Here is a little hint for you Rhianna.  He’s just not into you.    You need to move on while you can.

As for the girlfriend beater pictured above in a wife beater, his career is over.  Most people have no idea who that douchebag is and still hate him.  America hates guys that smack their girlfriends.  You never saw Al Bundy come home from a rough day at work and slug Peggy Bundy’s cigarette out of her mouth.  Mike Brady never took a swing at his old lady for having all those kids.  It is pretty simple.

That being said.  Here is some relationship advice from Kige Ramsey.

Arod Gets Poked in the Ass

Posted in Douchebags with tags , , , , , , , , , on February 9, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

roids

I’ll give Arod credit.  He admitted today that he used roids back when he played for the Rangers.  Not a huge surprise considering the fact that just about every player on that team was roiding.  The Rangers had more testosterone flowing through that locker room than a Monsters of Rock concert.  The crazy part was they still finished last.  I don’t understand how that happens.  Those are your Rangers though.

What surprises me is that he could not figure out a way to cycle his roids into October when he played for the Yankees.  The dude ended up batting .150 in the post season.  Now he has to do it on his own because he will get tested every other day.  There is no way in hell he is going to pass a performance enhancing test while he’s banging Madonna.  Look at that freak.  No way sharing body fluids with her will help him pass his test.  Arod might as well screw Lou Ferrigno in his prime instead of Madonna.  At least he’d have less testosterone running through his veins afterwards.

The Ike Awards: Chris Brown

Posted in Douchebags with tags , , , , , , , , , on February 8, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

ike

First, I have no idea who Chris Brown is other than the fact that he just got the cuffs slapped on him.  I assume he is a singer and not a rapper.  If he is a rapper, he needs to work on his rappy name.  Chris Brown is the name of the guy who is about to lose his job at Circuit City not some hard core rapper.  I do give him props for trying to give himself some street cred but if you are going to go that route try leaving your female out of it.  You are at the Grammys.  Just pick the most feminine guy there.  I’m sure you could find Justin Timberlake.  He’d go down with a jab faster than Elton John.  That’s not going to earn you respect on my streets but you’d get your name in the press.  You should have just told the police she hit her eye on the coffee table playing Wii.  Not that smacking Rihanna doesn’t get you some name recognition.  Anyway, I now have heard of you so mission accomplished.  You, Chris Brown, receive the first Ike award for the 2009 year.  Not exactly a Grammy but it is still an award.

Tony Romo Cheats

Posted in Douchebags with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on January 28, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

sm6cover_2002

That didn’t take long.  Star Magazine is reporting that Tony went to a party with the kid E from Entourage and some nobody from the MTV show the Hills.  (Is that not the Axis of Douchebags?)  He ended up bringing the party back to Jessica’s house and banged a chic upstairs in Jessica’s bed.  Star does not say if Jessica was in the bed at the time. This could have been a failed menage a trois with a dumb chic that barely speaks English, let alone French.

I called Romo out for not showing any drive or leadership skills.  Romo, I was wrong.  You may not care about winning football games or the Super Bowl but when Jessica puts on 50 lbs look out.  You finally find something to care about.   You could have subtly told Jess to slow down with the cheese fries.  Maybe bring home a scale or something classy like that.  No, you did it the old fashioned way which is to bang another chic the moment she breaks a sweat while eating breakfast.  Where was that killer instinct in December when the Eagles destroyed you?  I don’t care.  You now have the eye of the tiger.  I can’t wait for training camp.  Troy Aikman never had this problem.  Go Cowboys.

Click here to see why he cheated.