Archive for the Entertainment Section Category

Lindsay Lohan Diet

Posted in diet, Entertainment Section with tags , , , on October 4, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

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Quick disclaimer.  I am not a doctor, nutritionist, or dietitian.  However, I am able to recognize that something is not working for you Lindsay.  You are 23 years old and look like a 95 year old Sharon Stone.  How could this happen?  You are not working 60 hours a week at a coal mine.  You are not working at the Bunny Ranch.  You pretty much are not working period.  How could you reverse Benjamin Button it so quickly?

Let’s take a look at this.  I’m going to start with the Red Bull & Vodka which keeps your heart racing and your brain alert to enjoy more Red Bull & Vodka.  The cycle just never stops.  Replace that with water and get some sleep.  Next, cocaine should only be used for special occasions like the weekend.  Finally, switch from Marlboro to Marlboro Lites and only smoke them after 9am.  Again, there is nothing wrong with aging.  It is a natural human process.  However, Lindsay Lohan should not receive the senior citizen discount every time she eats at Denny’s.  Enough of the Golden Girls look.

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Khloe to Wed

Posted in Entertainment Section with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on September 18, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

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Many people on this very website criticized me for pointing out that Khloe was a large human being.  Well it looks like I am now vindicated.  I would have suggested for her to either mix in some stripes or camouflage but she took it to the next level.  Why change your wardrobe when you can marry a 6’11 260lb Lamar Odom?  They look really happy and I must say that she looks really good.  She should remove all of the pictures floating around of her and her sisters.  I think these two will make a great couple.  I’ve also heard that Al Davis has already traded another number one draft pick to the New England Patriots for the rights to their first born.  Everybody is a winner.

ESPN: Outside the Lines

Posted in Entertainment Section with tags , , , , , on July 19, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

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What a boring day in the sports world.  Some 90 year old man loses the British Open which proves what a “sport” it is.  I’m stuck watching Denise Richards try to convince people that she’s not a pain in the ass on E and failing miserably.  The Espys are on which are about as relevant as winning best kiss in the MTV movie awards.  The Espys?  This is nothing more than a excuse for guys to wear purple suits and convince the wife that they have to be in Vegas for an awards show.  I’d rather watch a 24 year old porn star win a lifetime achievement award in the AVN awards.

I think the whole thing that soured me is that the nations sports network just violated every code known to man.  Outside the Lines obtained a video from the night Pacman Jones decided to make it rain. Rappers,  NFL players, NBA players and a few WNBA girls were just throwing 10 grand in ones on the ground like it was confetti.  Strippers were on their hands and knees like little kids picking up candy from candy from a pinata.  Women in America can’t handle that.  They need to know that their old man only drops 20 bucks and isn’t really having a good time.  The only thing that saved the night were the strippers.  The girls on stage had a build like Jim Belushi.  I’ve seen skinnier girls going for 7ths at a Golden Coral buffet.  They just destroyed the myth of stripper aerobics.  That may be your saving grace ESPN.  Remember your demographic.  The next grainy video I want to see is the Erin Andrews peephole video.  Do us a service ESPN.

How did I miss this?

Posted in Entertainment Section with tags , , , , , , on May 10, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

Most movies involving Matthew McConaughey consist of him running around with his shirt off and going to a wedding.  This one broke the mold.  He somehow convinced Kate Beckinsale to join him in a movie in which he comes from a family of midgets, marries her and produces a midget baby.  How much weed was involved in that pitch?  All right Kate, I got this vision of me, you and a wedding but everybody on my side is little people and then we’ll get Gary Oldman to walk around on his knees.  Brilliant.  Just Keep on Livin.

Bruce Willis is better than you

Posted in Entertainment Section with tags , , , , , , on March 26, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

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Bruce Willis finally got his revenge.  He’s been putting up with all of those stupid you got punked jokes for the last five years.  The guy has handled the entire Ashton/Demi thing with class.  He just set back and took it all in and said nothing.  This weekend Bruce Willis got his revenge.  Take a look at Emma Hemming.  He pretty much picked her out of a modeling agency, casted her in his movie and married her.  That is how you do it Ashton.  She’s 30 years old and smoking hot and he’s 54.

Don’t get me wrong.  Demi Moore looks great for her being in her 50’s.  She’s also a cheap date as you can get the Senior discount at Denny’s.  Too bad you have to eat dinner at 4:00 pm.  The greatest part is that Ashton is also raising the teenage daughters for Bruce while he is hitting that.  You really punked him Ashton.

All Knowing Review

Posted in Entertainment Section with tags , , , , , , , on March 14, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

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Nicolas Cage plays a MIT professor with Tourettes (Why?) who discovers a piece of paper full of numbers that allows him to predict major disasters in the movie Knowing.  The trailer shows the world exploding so I guess he does not figure it out in time.  Sorry…I left out Spoiler Alert before typing that last sentence.   But I really did not watch this movie and will never see it so my review is just based upon all of the other crap movies that Hollywood is throwing at us and my ability to see the future.

Keeping in the spirit of Knowing, let’s see if you can figure this number sequence out:  8.50 5.25 6.75 20.50.  That is the cost of a ticket, coke, pop corn and total amount wasted on this crap.  Cage will play the exact same “intense” character he plays in every movie except this time they throw in math.  Most of this country is too stupid to give me the correct change at McDonalds so they have nailed the target audience of nobody.

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Watchmen Trailer

Posted in Entertainment Section with tags , , , , , , on March 6, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

I am not a comic book geek but I do have interest in the new Watchmen movie.  No idea what it is about or who is in it.  I assume they are a group of crime fighters.  Here is a nice clip of two of the watchmen.  You get a drunken Adam West aka Batman and wrestling great Jerry “The King” Lawler.  I’m still confused by all of this.