Archive for the Fast Food Category

Give the Man His McNuggets

Posted in Fast Food, fat people with tags , , , , , , on October 10, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

Can you not take your family out for a nice dinner anymore?  These fine people are trying to enjoy a nice afternoon of shopping and fine dining until this fool completely loses it.  I’m sure you can go to any Mcdonald’s or Wal-mart in the country and find similar behavior.  Granted, this video isn’t exactly catching Bigfoot riding in on a Unicorn but it still captures what I want to think is pretty unique human behavior.  This is exactly why you cannot combine a McDonald’s and a Wal-mart.  You can combine a high end Vegas casino with a 5 star French restaurant but lets just keep these two separate.   This fatty spends what was probably 2 minutes waiting on his chicken nuggets and he loses it.  Never mind the fact that he thinks he ordered this 30 minutes ago.  Never mind the fact that he cusses when there are families with kids.  Never mind that he probably ate 7 Big Macs an hour earlier.  Never mind that there is an entire frozen food section 15 feet away from him.  Never mind the fact that he could walk away with his dignity for $2.39 in lost nuggets.  Fatty is hungry.  Deal with it.  Thank you for shattering all stereotypes.


Wunder Boner

Posted in Fast Food with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 23, 2008 by Straight Cash Homey

Good news Ladies.   I found the product that every fisherman wants this Christmas.  It is the Wunder Boner.  I know.  Normally, he has to go to a strip club to get this but not anymore thanks to our redneck inventors.  Now, your kitchen will have the same technology as high end fish eateries such as Long John Silvers.  Our you can drop 8.99 at Red Lobster and not get your hands dirty.

Is that BK you are wearing?

Posted in Fast Food with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 18, 2008 by Straight Cash Homey


Stop sending me the texts and emails.  Yes, I am aware that Burger King has a new body spray called Flame.  No, I have not been wearing it for 10 years.  I resent the fact that you think that I have the desire to constantly smell like cheap fast food.  It just happens to happen that way.  If I wanted to intentionally smell like food, I would buy the new body spray from the Sizzler.  The  last thing I want to do is get lathered up in BK and then get trampled by a bunch of hungry big girls.  They follow me around all day anyway like I am the Pied Piper.  I do not need any help from you King.

While we are at it.  Who says this is for men anyway? Why wouldn’t the single ladies try this?  Maybe you ladies are alone because guys do not care for the sophisticated scent of lilacs and butterflies.  You may get a man’s attention long enough to listen to you if you drop some BK between your tittays.  If that doesn’t work just shove a Whopper in there.  It that fails, it is you.  Trust me, I am not a big fan of the Burger King but you can experiment with nicer restaurants.  I would just stay away from Red Lobster perfumes and try to keep it in the Steak category.  Just use your imagination and you can have it your way.

Kentucky Fried Hot Tub

Posted in Fast Food with tags , , , , , , , on December 11, 2008 by Straight Cash Homey


Many of you have probably already heard about the dumbass bitches that decided to take a bath in the KFC sink.  As somebody who frequents fast food joints, this has to stop.  Do they not have a health inspector in Kentucky?  I know that most in Kentucky do not have running water but still.  I’m sure there is a creek or some puddle of water for you hillbillies to wash the Colonel’s seasonings off of you.  If there is any justice in the world, the Colonel is laying his walking cane into these idiots as I type this.  At the very least the Colonel has to be disappointed with the small breast.   KFC is one place in this world that small breast should not be tolerated.


Posted in Fast Food with tags , , , , , , , , , on December 1, 2008 by Straight Cash Homey


Damn you clown.  Did you not think that we would notice?  You can post nude photos of that Arkansas woman and nobody gets hurt.  When you start jacking with the dollar menu, you have gone too far.  Today is a day that will live in infamy.  The double cheeseburger is no longer on the dollar menu.  The food is terrible but I can at least choke it down knowing it cost me the same amount as spending 8 seconds with a stripper.  Now, I have to decide on the double cheeseburger for $1.19 or the McDouble for $1.00.  The McDouble is the double cheeseburger with only one slice of cheese.  No thank you Ronald.  I should not have to carry a can of cheese whiz in my pocket just to enjoy a meal.  It looks like I’m back on Wendy.

She’s Hatin’ it

Posted in Fast Food with tags , , , , , , , , , on November 23, 2008 by Straight Cash Homey


You could say by the fact that I eat McDonalds once a day that I trust them with my life.  Billions of people trust that clown to deliver their daily nutrients.  Phillip and Tina Sherman took that trust to the next level.  The Arkansas couple trusted their nude photos with a guy who makes 5 bucks an hour serving fries.  Folks, don’t leave nude photos of your wife on your cell phone in McDonalds.  If you do, go back and get the phone.  The fry guy is going to do one of two things when he gets his greasy hands on your wife’s photos.  In this case, he put them on the internet and notifies he’s friends.

The Sherman family is now suing McDonalds for $3 million, which I guess is the going rate for nude photos of Arkansas housewives.  I will put this in perspective.  The cheetah girl, Adrienne Bailon, received an offer from Playboy for $100,000.  You can do the cost benefit analysis on that but I think they may be asking Mayor McCheese for a little too much.  We will keep you updated on any breaking legal news.


Posted in Fast Food with tags , , , , , , , on October 24, 2008 by Straight Cash Homey

I freaking hate Wendy’s.  I’ll admit that the baconater commercial somewhat arouses me which in turn makes it very uncomfortable with that stupid red headed girl staring back at me.  But I can fight through that.  I actually have two problems with Wendy’s.

1)  This is simple.  You have your single, double and triple hamburgers.  Only Liquid Plummr’s marketing dept would be stupid enough to stop at 3rd base?  Its America.  Its Baseball.  Babe Ruth.  Nobody gives a shit about triples Wendy.  Look around.  Maybe people want a Home Run. God forbid they’d like to be treated like a human and order a Grand Slam.  Wendy, I don’t want a smart assed high school dropout telling me to just order 4 singles or 2 doubles or 3 triples and a single.  Why should I have to make your idiot checker use a calculator just to put four patties on my hamburger.  Its one more patty Wendy.  Fix it.

2.  Stop asking me why when I request a medium drink cup just to use your ketchup dispenser.  I’m not spending 30 minutes pumping catchup into 200 thimbles.  I ordered 3 large fries to go with my 3 singles, 1 double, 2 triples and frosty.  I shouldn’t have to pump that damn dispenser until my arm goes numb the same way it does when I sneeze twice in a row.  This isn’t a strong man competition.  I’m not airing up the good year blimp.  I’m just doing what my doctor says and trying to get my servings of vegetables.  Just put a ketchup bottle on the table like the fine Steak Restaurants do in Kentucky.  Its that simple Wendy.   Not that hard.