Archive for the Financial Category

Greatest Business Card Ever

Posted in Financial with tags , , , , , , on April 15, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

I realize that most who come to this site have probably never seen a business card and probably have no idea why people use them.  I will try to explain it to the fine people of Kentucky.  A business card is similar to your mom writing her name and number on the Texaco men’s bathroom wall except it conveys a little more class then that.  I have brought the world’s greatest infotainer, Joel Bauer, on board to explain the proper use of the business card.  Enjoy.

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Deuce Doesn’t Beat Big City Prices

Posted in Financial with tags , , , , , , on March 4, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

deuce-mcallister-cars

Former New Orleans Saints running back Deuce McAllister filed for bankruptcy today because he owes Nissan 6.6 million.   For some idiotic reason Deuce thought it would be a good idea to invest 6 million in a car lot in Mississippi.  No offense to my friends in the South but are you really ready for a car dealership?  I’m betting that the handful of people who drive cars in Mississippi choose between a Ford F150 or the  Chevy Truck.  Nissan’s just do not handle well on dirt roads.    Note to Deuce.  You may also want to close your Yacht dealership in Kentucky and your Gulfstream showroom in Kansas.  While you are at it, the people of Iowa do not need that uppity Wendy’s you built.  Just put your money in your savings account or invest in your rims.  Stop being the Donald Trump of Mississippi.

Lil Bill vs Barney Frank

Posted in Financial with tags , , , , , on January 14, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

Last post kind of bored me.  This one is so much better and timely.  Lil’ Bill debates Barney Frank on the financial crisis.  If you do not like Lil’ Bill, then you do not like America.

Kige Ramsey’s Great Value Theory

Posted in Financial with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 8, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

Economist John Maynard Keynes’ General Theory of Employment, Interest and Money conjectured that the average propensity to consume would fall as income rises.  Thus, people with higher incomes would not spend at the same rate as their income rises, which results in a greater rate of savings for the wealthy.  Kige Ramsey’s Great Value Theory disputes this notion.  Ramsey believes that you should always consume Wal-Mart’s Great Value products to increase your rate of savings even at a lower level of income, which provides a higher rate of savings for a lower paid individual.  His lecture discusses this in greater depth.

Mark Cuban and Insider Trading

Posted in Financial, Sports with tags , , , , , , , on November 17, 2008 by Straight Cash Homey

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It has been a tough year for Mark Cuban.  The Mavericks are a disaster and will be for years to come thanks to the idiotic Jason Kidd trade.  Major League Baseball does not want his money.  America did not care if he could dance. Now comes word that the SEC is investigating him for insider trading. I’ll break it down for you non Gordon Geckos out there.

The SEC is the Security and Exchange Commission and not the Southeastern Conference.  They regulate the stock market and do not give a shit that Alabama allowed star football player/retard Forrest Gump to graduate.  Insider Trading is similar to when the assistant manager at Golden Corral whispers to you that they do not have anymore Salisbury steak in the back.  This allows you to load up with 9 “steaks” on your plate leaving none for your wife.  Pretty simple and nobody gets hurt but the poor slob behind you.  In Cubans case, the poor slob was the jackass that bought his shares of stock for 750k more than they would have if they bought the next day when the news became public.  What does all this mean to Cuban?  He will probably have to pay the 750k gain back and a fine on those gains.  So, it is going to be like you leaving a penny in the ash tray at 7-11.  Not a big deal.  Move on.  Nothing to see.

Mortgage Crisis

Posted in Financial with tags , , , , , , , , , on November 15, 2008 by Straight Cash Homey

firestarter

By now, everybody is familiar with the mortgage crisis.  That old crackhouse you bought for 400k is now worth less than the eightball you used to buy from the previous owners last year.  What do you do?  File bankruptcy?  Get a second job?  Renegotiate your mortgage? How about be a man for once in your life.  Sometimes you have to make the tough decisions.  We are not suggesting that you should burn your house down even though gas is $1.89 a gallon.  We are also not suggesting you move your house to California and let the “forest fires” take care of it for you.  If you happen to like your tater tots extra crispy, just step outside and let the fry daddy do work.  Problem solved.

(For legal purposes, we recommend you pay your damn bills and do not commit arson or insurance fraud)

Eliot Spitzer and Hooker Economics

Posted in Breaking News, Financial with tags , , , , , , , , , on November 6, 2008 by Straight Cash Homey

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Can somebody explain to me how former NY Governor Eliot Spitzer got off?  Let me rephrase that before you deviant freaks tell me too much about yourselves.  Can somebody explain how Eliot Spitzer had the charges dropped today?  He resigned because he admitted that he spent 80 large on this hooker.  (I’m betting she would have done the same for $10,000) He didn’t just admit to that but he did so by calling a full press conference with his wife standing next to him.  My question is for the NY District Attorney.  You dropped all charges for lack of evidence?   If only you could get a confession.  How would you ever get him to admit that?  How about the press conference with his wife?  To be honest I really don’t care.  I just find it amazing they don’t have enough evidence to try the guy.

So what did we learn from all of this?  I’m probably not going to be able to afford that chic that he was banging. 80 bucks for an hour may happen if I had a good decade.  You ladies will have to help me but what was this woman doing extra for 80k?  Dishes? Laundry?  I can’t figure it out.  The sad part in all of this is that Spitzer also drove up the prices for the $15 hooker.  Now she wants $18 bucks and a sandwich.  Slow down Pretty Woman we are in a recession.  Oh well. It looks like I’m back to buying wine coolers for high school girls and hoping for the best.