Archive for Comedy

Oprah Visits Texas State Fair

Posted in fat people with tags , , , , , , , , on October 13, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

fried butter balls

If you build it, fatties will come.  For years the Texas fair has deep fried everything that anybody south of the Red River could think of as being somewhat edible.  For the first time, some genius came up with frying butter.  I have no idea how this works.  In theory you would just end up slurping up melted butter and grease.  The picture above actually looks pretty good.  You use some form of dough and then wrap butter inside and drop it into the fry daddy.  Pretty simple and pretty amazing that this hasn’t been thought of before now.   It also took Oprah all of a week to hear about this latest food idea and bring her show to Texas.  The last time she came to Texas she was hauled into court for driving the prices of beef down.  All she did was said she wasn’t eating beef and the price dropped.  I never thought she’d come back to Texas but that was before deep fried butter.

Lindsay Lohan Diet

Posted in diet, Entertainment Section with tags , , , on October 4, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

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Quick disclaimer.  I am not a doctor, nutritionist, or dietitian.  However, I am able to recognize that something is not working for you Lindsay.  You are 23 years old and look like a 95 year old Sharon Stone.  How could this happen?  You are not working 60 hours a week at a coal mine.  You are not working at the Bunny Ranch.  You pretty much are not working period.  How could you reverse Benjamin Button it so quickly?

Let’s take a look at this.  I’m going to start with the Red Bull & Vodka which keeps your heart racing and your brain alert to enjoy more Red Bull & Vodka.  The cycle just never stops.  Replace that with water and get some sleep.  Next, cocaine should only be used for special occasions like the weekend.  Finally, switch from Marlboro to Marlboro Lites and only smoke them after 9am.  Again, there is nothing wrong with aging.  It is a natural human process.  However, Lindsay Lohan should not receive the senior citizen discount every time she eats at Denny’s.  Enough of the Golden Girls look.

Time for more gender tests?

Posted in Breaking News with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 13, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

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It is never a good sign when you have to take a test to prove your gender.  It is even worse when it takes 3 weeks to figure out what is going on down there.  Caster Semenya will now need to check all of the above or none of the above on the next census.  Now that this is clear.  Who needs to take the test next?  Serena Williams has more testosterone flowing through her then the entire Nebraska offensive line last night.   Carolina should probably test Jake Delhomme after his 5 turnover game today.  Is there any reason not to test the entire Bengals team after losing at home to the Denver Broncos?  Rams should just quit while down 28-0 and line up at the free clinic.  We can probably go ahead and schedule A-Rod for this October.

Collinsworth likes them young

Posted in Douchebags with tags , , , , , , , , , on September 12, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

Great piece of journalism here.  Terre Blair explores the myth that millionaire professional athletes do better with the ladies than your average factory worker.  Guess what?  They do.  I’m glad that mystery is solved.

Cris Collinsworth probably wants this one back.  He shares of technique of walking around with 100 dollar bills in his pocket and also talks about the high school girls.  It sounds like his 100 bill trick only works with girls ages 14-18 until they figure it out around their freshman year of college.  Now that he is replacing Madden.  Do you think we may have a new Collinsworth Cruiser?  Just a nice yellow school bus should do the trick.

Alabama Fan Loses It

Posted in Douchebags with tags , , , , , , , , , , on September 10, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

College Football is back and what better way then to highlight the nice fan base from Alabama.  I’ll admit that I knew this was not going to be pretty when I received this link that simply stated Bama Fan.  Sure enough the jackass made a fool of himself with his pom poms and surprisingly without the aid of Jack Daniels.  Something tells me had a similar reaction during Obama’s speech last night.  This was game one.  Enjoy the season and learn how to swing a folding chair like a man.

Tears of a Clown

Posted in Breaking News with tags , , , , on June 1, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

clown

Who said clowns are creepy?  Sure they scare little kids and freak out adults but does that make them creepy?  I have no idea what they are doing in this picture.  If you are going to carry a casket, you may want to use the somber face paint.  The guy in the red hair looks a little too happy right now to be putting Bozo in the ground.  I’m sure they have just traumatized another generation.  Nice going Clown.

How did I miss this?

Posted in Entertainment Section with tags , , , , , , on May 10, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

Most movies involving Matthew McConaughey consist of him running around with his shirt off and going to a wedding.  This one broke the mold.  He somehow convinced Kate Beckinsale to join him in a movie in which he comes from a family of midgets, marries her and produces a midget baby.  How much weed was involved in that pitch?  All right Kate, I got this vision of me, you and a wedding but everybody on my side is little people and then we’ll get Gary Oldman to walk around on his knees.  Brilliant.  Just Keep on Livin.