Archive for entertainment

Oprah Visits Texas State Fair

Posted in fat people with tags , , , , , , , , on October 13, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

fried butter balls

If you build it, fatties will come.  For years the Texas fair has deep fried everything that anybody south of the Red River could think of as being somewhat edible.  For the first time, some genius came up with frying butter.  I have no idea how this works.  In theory you would just end up slurping up melted butter and grease.  The picture above actually looks pretty good.  You use some form of dough and then wrap butter inside and drop it into the fry daddy.  Pretty simple and pretty amazing that this hasn’t been thought of before now.   It also took Oprah all of a week to hear about this latest food idea and bring her show to Texas.  The last time she came to Texas she was hauled into court for driving the prices of beef down.  All she did was said she wasn’t eating beef and the price dropped.  I never thought she’d come back to Texas but that was before deep fried butter.

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Lindsay Lohan Diet

Posted in diet, Entertainment Section with tags , , , on October 4, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

lookingbeatungaro

Quick disclaimer.  I am not a doctor, nutritionist, or dietitian.  However, I am able to recognize that something is not working for you Lindsay.  You are 23 years old and look like a 95 year old Sharon Stone.  How could this happen?  You are not working 60 hours a week at a coal mine.  You are not working at the Bunny Ranch.  You pretty much are not working period.  How could you reverse Benjamin Button it so quickly?

Let’s take a look at this.  I’m going to start with the Red Bull & Vodka which keeps your heart racing and your brain alert to enjoy more Red Bull & Vodka.  The cycle just never stops.  Replace that with water and get some sleep.  Next, cocaine should only be used for special occasions like the weekend.  Finally, switch from Marlboro to Marlboro Lites and only smoke them after 9am.  Again, there is nothing wrong with aging.  It is a natural human process.  However, Lindsay Lohan should not receive the senior citizen discount every time she eats at Denny’s.  Enough of the Golden Girls look.

Khloe to Wed

Posted in Entertainment Section with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on September 18, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

whiteout premiere 100909

Many people on this very website criticized me for pointing out that Khloe was a large human being.  Well it looks like I am now vindicated.  I would have suggested for her to either mix in some stripes or camouflage but she took it to the next level.  Why change your wardrobe when you can marry a 6’11 260lb Lamar Odom?  They look really happy and I must say that she looks really good.  She should remove all of the pictures floating around of her and her sisters.  I think these two will make a great couple.  I’ve also heard that Al Davis has already traded another number one draft pick to the New England Patriots for the rights to their first born.  Everybody is a winner.

How did I miss this?

Posted in Entertainment Section with tags , , , , , , on May 10, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

Most movies involving Matthew McConaughey consist of him running around with his shirt off and going to a wedding.  This one broke the mold.  He somehow convinced Kate Beckinsale to join him in a movie in which he comes from a family of midgets, marries her and produces a midget baby.  How much weed was involved in that pitch?  All right Kate, I got this vision of me, you and a wedding but everybody on my side is little people and then we’ll get Gary Oldman to walk around on his knees.  Brilliant.  Just Keep on Livin.

Free Hugs vs Deluxe Hugs

Posted in Douchebags with tags , , , , , , on April 28, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

Take that hippy.  Nobody wants you awkwardly groping them for free.  We are still a capitalistic country in which we prefer to pay for things.  I’m afraid he made more in the last hour than 99% of the people who just wasted their time reading this.  This could be a sign the economy is returning or people are just desperate for human contact.  Not really sure.

Greatest Business Card Ever

Posted in Financial with tags , , , , , , on April 15, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

I realize that most who come to this site have probably never seen a business card and probably have no idea why people use them.  I will try to explain it to the fine people of Kentucky.  A business card is similar to your mom writing her name and number on the Texaco men’s bathroom wall except it conveys a little more class then that.  I have brought the world’s greatest infotainer, Joel Bauer, on board to explain the proper use of the business card.  Enjoy.

Don’t mess with Wild Man

Posted in Breaking News with tags , , , , , , , , on February 25, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

Just in case you ever want to rob the Wild Man’s Country Store in Hartsville, don’t mess with Kelly Simpson.  The Wild Man can take a lug wrench to the skull and still pop a cap in you.  Granted he tried to shot the guy in the face and ended up shooting 2 holes in his own window.  You still do not mess with Wild Man.  Let this be a warning.