Archive for mcdonalds

Give the Man His McNuggets

Posted in Fast Food, fat people with tags , , , , , , on October 10, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

Can you not take your family out for a nice dinner anymore?  These fine people are trying to enjoy a nice afternoon of shopping and fine dining until this fool completely loses it.  I’m sure you can go to any Mcdonald’s or Wal-mart in the country and find similar behavior.  Granted, this video isn’t exactly catching Bigfoot riding in on a Unicorn but it still captures what I want to think is pretty unique human behavior.  This is exactly why you cannot combine a McDonald’s and a Wal-mart.  You can combine a high end Vegas casino with a 5 star French restaurant but lets just keep these two separate.   This fatty spends what was probably 2 minutes waiting on his chicken nuggets and he loses it.  Never mind the fact that he thinks he ordered this 30 minutes ago.  Never mind the fact that he cusses when there are families with kids.  Never mind that he probably ate 7 Big Macs an hour earlier.  Never mind that there is an entire frozen food section 15 feet away from him.  Never mind the fact that he could walk away with his dignity for $2.39 in lost nuggets.  Fatty is hungry.  Deal with it.  Thank you for shattering all stereotypes.

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Jared is back

Posted in Douchebags with tags , , , , , , , , , on January 6, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

subway_jared

There is not a single fat person who hasn’t heard of the Legend of Jared.  I thought he finally went away but Subway is now back to using that douchebag.  I’m going to put this in the most simplistic terms for you clowns to understand.  Jared is the laziest fat person in history. Period.  The only reason he lost weight is because he was too damn lazy to drive down the street to McDonald’s.  If Wendy’s moved next door to him, he would dress out at 800 lbs.  Instead, his lazy ass would walk next door to Subway and eat that crap.  Honestly, how can your spokesperson be a guy who did nothing other than slowly starve himself to death.  This just tells me that your food is crap Subway.  A guy that eats himself to 425lbs cannot enjoy your food enough to gain weight by eating it.  Think about it Subway.  He hated your sandwiches so much that he lost 250lbs.  You suck Subway.  I would respect Jared’s weight loss if he went on the Biggest Loser and not eat crap that sucks.  Lose weight like a man Jared.

2008 Loser Of The Year

Posted in 2008 Year End Awards with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 31, 2008 by Straight Cash Homey

Our next category is the 2008 Loser of the Year.  This was a tough category to narrow.  We have so many losers to choose from but I have managed to give you the very worst.  Here are the nominees for the 2008 Loser of the Year.

  1. Starbucks – A rough economy and the fact that McDonalds taught their employees to pour water into a machine spells doom for the $5 cup of coffee.  Nice run while it lasted.
  2. Jessica Simpson – You date a loser who is a douchebag.  Your sister replaced you on the covers of entertainment magazines by becoming hotter than you through tons of plastic surgery and getting banged by an emosexual.  You put out a country music album that nobody cares about and you may be in fact legally retarded.  Go away.
  3. The City of Detroit – Where do we start?  The Lions, GM, Ford or Matt Millen.  Millen is actually a winner as he is still cashing 10 million worth of checks.  I am rooting for the factory workers but your bosses need to learn how to beg for money.  You do not ask your boss for a raise while showing up in a limo and dressed in a tux.  On the plus side, the price of an ounce of crack is going down.
  4. Hillary Clinton – Tough year for her.  The democrats wanted no part of her.  Obama made her his secretary.  She set fashion back 35 years.   Tape your damn ankles and wear some high heels.  Monica wore a skirt and so can you.  Lighten up a little too.
  5. Brett Favre – Walked away from millions from the Packers to go throw interceptions with the Jets.  Should have just walked away.

The winner is……

The City of Detroit.  It looks like you finally didn’t lose something.  You are now the 2008 Loser of the year. Please do not riot after reading this.

Detroit 1-16

Is that BK you are wearing?

Posted in Fast Food with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 18, 2008 by Straight Cash Homey

burger_king_babes

Stop sending me the texts and emails.  Yes, I am aware that Burger King has a new body spray called Flame.  No, I have not been wearing it for 10 years.  I resent the fact that you think that I have the desire to constantly smell like cheap fast food.  It just happens to happen that way.  If I wanted to intentionally smell like food, I would buy the new body spray from the Sizzler.  The  last thing I want to do is get lathered up in BK and then get trampled by a bunch of hungry big girls.  They follow me around all day anyway like I am the Pied Piper.  I do not need any help from you King.

While we are at it.  Who says this is for men anyway? Why wouldn’t the single ladies try this?  Maybe you ladies are alone because guys do not care for the sophisticated scent of lilacs and butterflies.  You may get a man’s attention long enough to listen to you if you drop some BK between your tittays.  If that doesn’t work just shove a Whopper in there.  It that fails, it is you.  Trust me, I am not a big fan of the Burger King but you can experiment with nicer restaurants.  I would just stay away from Red Lobster perfumes and try to keep it in the Steak category.  Just use your imagination and you can have it your way.

Welcome Back Oprah

Posted in TV with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 13, 2008 by Straight Cash Homey

Winfrey Weight

Don’t call it a comeback.  Did anybody doubt that she would make it back to 2 bills.  Really?  We knew you had it in you Oprah.  The diet experts, personal trainers, and Dr. Phil are not going to help you.  Just be honest and tell America what your favorite things really are.  We’ve talked about them here.  We’ve have Wendy’s, we have McDonalds, we have KFC, we have Bacon Ice Cream and the list goes on and on.

There is one question that needs to be answered.  Where does this put Oprah in the hottest women of afternoon talk?  You have Rosie, Ellen and Oprah.  You could probably throw in Dr. Phil and Judge Judy but we should just rank the Big 3.  Are women that insecure that you have to give us that choice?  Megan Fox can’t talk to celebs?  This is a serious question and I demand answers.

McDouble

Posted in Fast Food with tags , , , , , , , , , on December 1, 2008 by Straight Cash Homey

reddawn

Damn you clown.  Did you not think that we would notice?  You can post nude photos of that Arkansas woman and nobody gets hurt.  When you start jacking with the dollar menu, you have gone too far.  Today is a day that will live in infamy.  The double cheeseburger is no longer on the dollar menu.  The food is terrible but I can at least choke it down knowing it cost me the same amount as spending 8 seconds with a stripper.  Now, I have to decide on the double cheeseburger for $1.19 or the McDouble for $1.00.  The McDouble is the double cheeseburger with only one slice of cheese.  No thank you Ronald.  I should not have to carry a can of cheese whiz in my pocket just to enjoy a meal.  It looks like I’m back on Wendy.

She’s Hatin’ it

Posted in Fast Food with tags , , , , , , , , , on November 23, 2008 by Straight Cash Homey

mcdonalds-nude-photographs

You could say by the fact that I eat McDonalds once a day that I trust them with my life.  Billions of people trust that clown to deliver their daily nutrients.  Phillip and Tina Sherman took that trust to the next level.  The Arkansas couple trusted their nude photos with a guy who makes 5 bucks an hour serving fries.  Folks, don’t leave nude photos of your wife on your cell phone in McDonalds.  If you do, go back and get the phone.  The fry guy is going to do one of two things when he gets his greasy hands on your wife’s photos.  In this case, he put them on the internet and notifies he’s friends.

The Sherman family is now suing McDonalds for $3 million, which I guess is the going rate for nude photos of Arkansas housewives.  I will put this in perspective.  The cheetah girl, Adrienne Bailon, received an offer from Playboy for $100,000.  You can do the cost benefit analysis on that but I think they may be asking Mayor McCheese for a little too much.  We will keep you updated on any breaking legal news.