Archive for michael jackson

King of Pop RIP

Posted in Breaking News with tags , , on June 28, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey


I’m sure many of you are aware by now, but if not, I will be the first to break the news to you.  Michael Jackson is dead.   I have not issued my official statement yet because I’m not really sure what to think.  MTV has cut away from their programming of teen whores who got knocked up to do a decent tribute.  It has been so long since the guy was in the news that you forget how talented he was which sucks for the guy but that is something he brought on himself.

OJ Simpson was a hall of fame running back.  He was found not guilty for killing his wife.  Barry Bonds is the home run king and he never tested positive for steroids.  Michael Jackson was never found guilty of sleeping with young boys.  The problem is that if you honestly ask yourself did he do something wrong with those boys, 99% will say yes.  I cannot overlook that and neither should anybody else no matter how much you want to bust out a thriller dance in your living room.

There are lessons to be learned from this.  The first is that you should never let young boys spend the night nor give them booze and porn.  That should be obvious.  The second lesson is that if you spend more than you make you will eventually run out of money and people will stop lending you money.  You will find yourself doing 50 concerts for some blokes overseas.  The final lesson is you should stop being weird.  Its pretty simple.  If Jackson followed these three lessons, he would be kicking back at Neverland Ranch doing whatever he wanted to do with money in the bank and respect.


Michael Jackson converts to Islam

Posted in Breaking News with tags , , , , , , on November 22, 2008 by Straight Cash Homey


According to random news sites from the net, Michael Jackson has converted to Islam.  Nice choice.  I guess Tom Cruise wouldn’t return his calls about aliens.  I don’t wanna be startin somethin but he picked the religion that will cut that stupid glove clean off his hand if he shoplifts.  So, I’m sure they will be very tolerant of his quirky behavior.  By quirky behavior, I’m talking about molesting young boys.  The last major celebrity that converted to Islam was Mike Tyson.  He gave us my favorite quote ever during his Lennox Lewis press conference.  Tyson said, “I want to eat your children.  Praise be to Allah.”  I could care less about Michael Jackson or his religion but I will leave him with this advice.  Do not ever quote Mike Tyson while you are in Saudi Arabia.