Archive for nfl

Khloe to Wed

Posted in Entertainment Section with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on September 18, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

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Many people on this very website criticized me for pointing out that Khloe was a large human being.  Well it looks like I am now vindicated.  I would have suggested for her to either mix in some stripes or camouflage but she took it to the next level.  Why change your wardrobe when you can marry a 6’11 260lb Lamar Odom?  They look really happy and I must say that she looks really good.  She should remove all of the pictures floating around of her and her sisters.  I think these two will make a great couple.  I’ve also heard that Al Davis has already traded another number one draft pick to the New England Patriots for the rights to their first born.  Everybody is a winner.

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Time for more gender tests?

Posted in Breaking News with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 13, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

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It is never a good sign when you have to take a test to prove your gender.  It is even worse when it takes 3 weeks to figure out what is going on down there.  Caster Semenya will now need to check all of the above or none of the above on the next census.  Now that this is clear.  Who needs to take the test next?  Serena Williams has more testosterone flowing through her then the entire Nebraska offensive line last night.   Carolina should probably test Jake Delhomme after his 5 turnover game today.  Is there any reason not to test the entire Bengals team after losing at home to the Denver Broncos?  Rams should just quit while down 28-0 and line up at the free clinic.  We can probably go ahead and schedule A-Rod for this October.

Collinsworth likes them young

Posted in Douchebags with tags , , , , , , , , , on September 12, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

Great piece of journalism here.  Terre Blair explores the myth that millionaire professional athletes do better with the ladies than your average factory worker.  Guess what?  They do.  I’m glad that mystery is solved.

Cris Collinsworth probably wants this one back.  He shares of technique of walking around with 100 dollar bills in his pocket and also talks about the high school girls.  It sounds like his 100 bill trick only works with girls ages 14-18 until they figure it out around their freshman year of college.  Now that he is replacing Madden.  Do you think we may have a new Collinsworth Cruiser?  Just a nice yellow school bus should do the trick.

Tila Tequila: A shake at love

Posted in Police Beat with tags , , , , , , , , , on September 11, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

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If your friend decides to drink and drive, just take their keys.  Shawn Merriman might have been a bit overzealous in his actions.  Tila did not want to join Merriman and his two other girlfriends in private.  She simply took off her clothes and decided to leave.  Nothing wrong with that.  Merriman concerned for her safety went after her like she was Brady Quinn.  (By the way Browns, nobody cares which crappy qb you are starting.  They will still throw 3 interceptions a game and you will go 5-11.  Enough with the big mystery.) It appears that he grabbed her by the arms and shook her until she sobered up a bit.  Not sure if he threw in his stupid lights out dance but he did not appear to hurt her.  He may be forced to only date two women at a time instead of three once this gets out there.   Now the San Diego DA is saying that there are no charges to be filed.  Merriman will probably have to dip into his wallet and this will all go away.  Just like his career if he gets busted for roids again and her career once she hits 25.

Screw Philly

Posted in Sports with tags , , , on August 14, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

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Just when you ran out of reasons to hate all things Philly.  Michael Vick is back.  I really do not have a problem with a guy paying his debt to society and going after the best job he can find.  My problem is that the Eagles had to step up and welcome him back.  He didn’t kill anybody like Dante Stallworth but at least Stallworth is remorseful.  You can see that in his interview and I feel bad for the guy.  He deserves every bit of hard times and scorn that comes his way.  But at least he did not knowingly do this every day.  Michael Vick knew exactly what he was doing.  He was not impaired.  He was not remorseful.  He knew that his cousins took people’s pets and taped their mouths shut to get his pit bulls ready.  He knew that if the dog wasn’t vicious enough they would have to be put down.  He knew that if a dog is maimed too bad.  So Philly, don’t give me that crap about Vick now feels bad and wished it didn’t happen when he could have stopped it anytime.  I just can’t wait until Mcnabb one hops his next pass and you boo the hell out of him and cheer the Dog Killer.  Here is to DWare breaking him in half and making him fall back on his Va. Tech education.

New York Jets Draft Blunders

Posted in Sports with tags , , , , , , , , , on April 20, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

The 2009 NFL Draft is this weekend.  This is a great time if you are a football fan.  You can forget about your team choking in front of a third rate team in a forth rate state with fifth rate fans four months ago in Philly.  It is a great tradition to put aside the yard work.  Ignore your family and just sit on the couch and gaze at Mel Kipers’ helmet head for 9 hours.  To get you ready and in the right mindset, I have added the New York Jets draft blunders.

It is amazing that this franchise hasn’t won a Super Bowl since the 1960s.  Actually, it is pretty much to be expected.  You draft Ken O’Brian instead of Dan Marino.  Kyle Brady instead of Warren Sapp.  Blair Thomas instead of Emmitt Smith.  Dave Kadigan instead of Michael Irvin.  Two tight ends and a full back later you have nothing to show for this.  The sad thing is that if you just let your own fans up in the nose bleeds run your draft, you’d probably have three Super Bowls.  Sure, they have bad mustaches and terrible grooming habits but you cannot tell me these guys wouldn’t pull a Pro Bowl player out every round.

Here is my pick for you Jets fans.  Rey Mauluga LB USC.  He should be there at 17 and he will light people up for the next 7 years.

It is Raining Again

Posted in Police Beat with tags , , , , , , , on March 7, 2009 by Straight Cash Homey

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I’m too upset to comment on the TO release but I did find some encouraging news.  Former Cowboy Pac Man Jones rained down an ass whipping on some scrub during the filming of Pros vs Joes.  I am assuming that Pac is on the Pros side but you never know.  According to random internet reports, he lost it when a guy hit him out of bounds.  Why do people always screw with him.  Pac is always in game shape and ready to go.  It doesn’t matter if you are an off duty cop assigned to protect him, a lazy stripper who wants her 25 bucks after going through the motions to a Nine Inch Nails song or just some random dude that blocks his sight line to the main stage.  Pac Man will go off.  I am really ready for him to come back when the Cowboys need that extra db after TNew pulls his hammy for the tenth time next season.  Don’t let up Pac Man.