We’ve already gave you big guys costume ideas for Halloween. Nevertheless, just like W. some of you will insist on going at it unilaterally. As a service to our skinny-challenged readers, we are giving you the costume don’ts for the fat man. Please do yourselves a favor and stay away from these costumes.
Superhero
Thanks to that fat jackass Al Gore, everybody wants to save the planet. You have limited options on this one. Drive the hybrid, use the annoying light bulb, or be a Superhero. Let’s explore the Superhero option for the fat man. You have two things that do not go with fat. The first is gravity. Spiderman swung around via the spider web. Superman could leap tall buildings. While you, Fattie, will crush the sidewalk in a single bound. So lets leave the acrobatics for Spiderman. The second thing that works against you is spandex. It’s really hard to hide your lovely man lumps in the spandex. We do not want to see Wendy’s floating around in your belly. Spandex is just not made for you. And no, Fatman that is not your Spidey senses tingling. It is the Biggie Combo you had for lunch doing battle with the Monster tacos you had as a snack.
Mary Kate Olsen
Again, this goes back to the superhero advice from above. Yes, she was rumored to have done what Batman never seemed to be able to do but you will not look good in a toddler- sized dress. I know that is harsh but it had to be said. Or maybe it didn’t have to be said but I said it anyway. Don’t try to skirt this advice by going as the fat twin either. Just leave this alone
Prince
Very few women can pull the purple assless one-piece suit off. Prince is 4’11 and weighs 73 pounds. He confuses people. You don’t have that luxury. When your friends suggested that you go as Prince, they meant Prince Fielder, the 350 lb first basemen and not the purple one. Just make the trip to Sports Authority and get the Brewers uniform. True, you can dump your Mcdonald’s quicker with the assless pants but just trust us on this one.
Andy Reid
He probably should have been one of the costumes for the Big Guy edition but there is a reason for this. Andy Reid is a fat loser. His costume would be easy to do. Grow a mustache that would make the BTK killer proud, wear an oversized Eagle jacket, don’t parent your kids and put on your Super Bowl rings. Back that up. Don’t worry about the Super Bowl rings. Your fat fingers have no need for that. Just stay away from this loser.
Things Fat People Hate 